Wonder Twin Powers, Activate!

I outdid myself today. What happened at work may just change they way people shop for vegetables forever. Once I get the kinks worked out, anyway.

03-16-16_10-02-39 AM

Designing the Cloning Platform

Sparky and I were together in the fabrication room putting the finishing touches on the design of my new cloning platform. It’s another one of my Star Trek-inspired inventions. Remember the transporters that would break someone down into their smallest particles and then shoot those particles down to a planet full of green, bikini-clad women, then reassemble those particles back into people? Well, it’s like that, except instead of moving the particles from one place to another, it duplicates them. And it doesn’t go very far — just from one side of the platform to another. It may not help you hook up with a hot Orion chick, but it does a pretty decent job of making perfect 3-D copies of reasonably-sized objects.Theoretically, it should even work on organic matter. More on that coming up.

03-16-16_10-09-01 AM

On three: One, Two, Four!

For example, if you found a really good, ripe avocado at the grocery store, you could use my platform to make a second one just like it. Why not just buy a second avocado, you ask? Where’s the awesome science in that?

I didn’t have an avocado, so we tested with a carrot. I placed it on the platform, hit the remote, and the machine started scanning the carrot, analyzing its molecular construction, mass, coloration, and a number of other factors. A few moments later… well, the machine produced a completely inedible grey cube.

03-16-16_10-09-35 AM

Epic Fail

I put the cube aside. I plan to paint some dots on it and use it as a giant six-sided die the next time the other geeks and I meet up for one of our Dungeons & Dragons games.

Undaunted, I decided to try something a bit less organic, but still edible. I grabbed the result of a previous project: a flask of my latest formula for an energy drink. Ever seen those ads for light beer that tastes great but it less filling? This is sort of the opposite. It tastes like moldy ass but a few sips and you won’t have to eat for a couple of days.

I placed the beaker on the platform and powered it up again.

03-16-16_10-12-50 AM

Twinsies!

See that beaker on the left? That’s my original. The one on the right? An exact duplicate. Same color, same smell, same consistency, everything. It was, as far as I could tell, a perfect replica of my original drink.

Pretty amazing, huh?

What? Did I test it? You didn’t think I’d actually try drinking it, did you? Oh, hell no. We have a tour group coming through tomorrow; I figured I could try it out on one of them.

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