I’ve been tinkering with Calleach, the freeze ray I invented a while back. With a little help from Sparky, I’ve been able to fine tune the output and have achieved some rather fascinating results.
For example, I’ve discovered that by reversing the polarity of the wave using a broad beam, with live subjects I’ve been able to increase body temperature system-wide. In layman’s terms, I can make people feel really hot. So hot that they really have no choice but to start stripping their clothes off.
Who am I to let technology like that go to waste? Besides, things have been really glum around here since Vivian died, and so what better time for an office beach party?
With that, I now present Poindexter: The Swimsuit Edition.
Mr. Seymour is an executive at a well-known scientific firm. He enjoys dressing up in gold lamé, taking his employees out for too many drinks, and frowning as often as possible.
Alice Spencer-Kim Lewis is a brilliant scientist and devoted wife. When she’s not collecting hyphens to add to her name, she enjoys sticking her left arm into grungy tattoo parlors to see what happens.
This is the part where I would say something funny at Eric Lewis’s expense. I’m not going to do that, though, since he’s the one person at the office most likely to kick my ass for doing it.
Voted “Most Likely to Die in a Bizarre Make-Up Accident” by her peers, Marta enjoys having perfect hair, a perfect home, and a perfect life. She was also voted “Most Likely to Be a Cyborg Sent from the Future to Enslave Mankind.”
Augustus Atkinson is the newest member of the Omniscience team. In his spare time, he enjoys… oh, wait. He doesn’t have any spare time. The poor bastard is too busy following orders from the rest of us.
I’ve saved the best for last, of course. Make sure you’ve got your sunglasses on before scrolling any further down the page. I will not be held responsible for any retina damage from staring directly at my blinding whiteness.
Our centerfold, Edison, is an avid chess player who also dabbles in writing and photography. His work can be found at https://simming.wordpress.com, where his brilliant prose has been viewed by at least three people, though one of them was likely a Google spider-bot, and another was himself.
With that, we conclude this year’s Swimsuit Edition. I hope you enjoyed it as much as I enjoyed messing with my colleagues’ heads.