Movin’ On Up

Things are looking pretty bright on the career front.

03-10-16_9-36-13 PM

Poindexter’s Gardening and Lawn Care Service

It definitely wasn’t very glamorous at first. While most of my co-workers spent their days inventing devices that would change the course of history or delving into the mysteries of the natural world, I was a glorified gardener and janitor.

I’m not complaining, mind you. Most people would give their right arms for a job at Omniscience, and as you’ll see in my photos, they let me keep both of mine. Also, during the brief periods of time I have each day when nothing needs cleaning or irrigating, I have access to one of the most technologically advanced science labs on the planet, which is a pretty cool thing when you’re a science geek.

03-10-16_9-40-36 PM

My buddy, the Death Star

It also means I get to spend quite a bit of time with Sparky, who may be my new best friend. While some people might find it odd to have a robotic AI as a best friend, I think the geeks out there who have strangely intimate relationships with their computers will understand. Think it’s strange if you like, but if you ask me, all friends should come with on/off switches and a mute button.

Sparky’s not just a friend, though; he’s also a great lab partner. If I’ve got an idea for a potential project or invention, I take it to Sparky. He’s always got ideas on how to refine things, or a perfectly reasonable explanation for why it’ll never work. He also dispenses coffee, which comes in handy for long research sessions.

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Chatting up the boss

My daily routine might be in for some big changes soon, though. As supporting evidence, I submit Exhibit A: the photograph above. Those of you who don’t work for Mr. Seymour may not see anything unusual in that picture, but those who do will be struck by the fact that he’s smiling. Like, in my direction. This was a huge step, people. Up until this moment the best I’d ever been able to get out of him was a look of irritated indifference.

There’s an Exhibit B, though. The reason I was talking to Mr. Seymour, and why there’s a huge grin on my face in that picture, is that my boss was informing me that I was being promoted from “Lab Assistant” to “Innovation Sciences Apprentice.” Without going into all the details about job classifications and pay scales at Omniscience, what this means, in a nutshell, is that I now will bet paid a significant amount more to water plants and wipe down lab equipment.


One thought on “Movin’ On Up

  1. It should be mandatory that all robots have a coffee-dispensing function.


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